Ready to Try Again?

8004c3101844cc23b613900fa37d677fIt’s been about a year since I took the first step in forever changing my families life. When I walked into that lawyers office I was nervous about the road that laid ahead but I had no doubt left that it was the right decision to end my marriage. It was right for me, and it was right for the boys. I was unhappy with the person I was married to for sure. But the bigger issue was that I wasn’t happy with myself anymore.

At some point I had let the hurts and disappointments get to me. I was angry, bitter and often spiteful. My previously playful sarcasms turned to constant verbal daggers. I felt unloved and in turn became someone pretty unlovable.

Thankfully, by the grace of God and some amazing friends and family, I saw the light, slowly at first and then all at once it was fully clear. This wasn’t what my life was supposed to look like and it was time to change that. It was terrifying and I’m certain that even a year earlier and I wouldn’t have survived it.

It’s been eight months since I became OFFICIALLY single again. Initially it took some very intentional reminders to myself that the feelings of loneliness were normal and that most of the things I felt like I missed, hadn’t been in my relationship for a long time, if ever. Basically, I had to learn to be OK alone. And it really didn’t take long to realize that being alone was actually the least lonely I’d been in a really long time. I began living the life that made me (and my boys) happy without worry. I started feeling more and more like myself.

So now I’m in some weird place, trying to decide, am I ready to try again?  How do you possibly know if you’re healed enough to be in a relationship again?  Can you put a ‘timeline’ on these things? Or am I just supposed to know?

Comments

  1. Hugs and love. I know you did the right thing for your family. I think you’d be ok to try again, but I’m not in your shoes. Only you know. I’ll be here to listen to all the funny stories, though! 🙂

    • Lisa Noel says:

      lol some of my friends stories are scary. lots of funny ones but geez you’d think as we get older even if the ‘pool’ is smaller that at least some of them would be more mature lol

  2. I’m a single mom who has been struggling with that very same question. I think only you will know when it’s time. It’s been very difficult for me to be vulnerable like that again, but I believe that I deserve to be happy. Best wishes to you!

    • Lisa Noel says:

      I think being vulnerable is the issue. I fear not being able to give someone the trust needed for a relationship because I’ve spent so many years not trusting and almost always being right.

  3. What you did for you and your boys was and still is very so brave. I think that you will know if and when you are ready to try again. In the mean time, test the waters. Are you putting yourself out there?

  4. Your an amazing and beautiful woman! Here’s to you and finding that wonderful person that will add to your lovely family when the time IS right. When ever that may be. I wasn’t sure when either….when I did mee Robert I wasn’t really looking for what I ended up with….an amazing husband and father. I know you will find it too when the time IS right. Just try to enjoy the process.

    • Lisa Noel says:

      Thanks. Watching you (and other friends like you) gives me hope that it will happen at some point when the time is right.

  5. I can only imagine this is a very difficult time. I wish you all the best and you pick up the pieces and live better moving forward.

  6. Having no experience with this kind of situation, my guess is that since you’re starting to question whether you’re ready for a new relationship, it seems like you’re getting closer to being ready!

    I’m so happy for you that you took an honest look at what was (and wasn’t) going on. You and your boys are so much better off! xoxo

  7. I think that if you’re questioning whether or not you’re ready – you probably aren’t ready. Give yourself some time, don’t feel like you have to rush into the dating world. There’s no deadline. : )

    • Lisa Noel says:

      I think that’s a good point. Maybe starting to think about it, means it’s a small step but I’m not there yet!?!?

  8. I think you did it all right, taking some time to focus on the kids and their emotional needs while also reflecting on the marriage and identifying a whole new set of priorities going forward. It always makes me a bit sad when divorced couples jump right into the next exciting relationship just to avoid feeling alone. Sometimes, it is important to be alone for a while in order to truly understand what will make you happy. xoxo Mar

  9. start doing things that makes you happy and the right person will come along when the time is right!! One of my good friend’s friend met her boyfriend when he came to drop his daughter off for a play date! My friend’s friend looked terrible. Sweats, pony tail, etc. She was in the kitchen and turned around and her jaw dropped when she saw how cute the guy was She invited him to stay and have a drink and the rest is history!

    • Lisa Noel says:

      That’s so funny. That’s very similar to how I met my ‘first love’ He was my cousins friend and they walked into our kitchen while I was a mess from cleaning. That was definitely the truest love I’ve had but just bad timing. But it reminds me of what it really should feel like!! 🙂 Thanks

  10. Lisa I wish I had words of wisdom for you but only you know if the timing is right. The good thing is even if you put your self out there to be loved *and you so DESERVE LOVE that if the right person doesn’t come along today, tomorrow, next year that you don’t have to feel like you made a mistake. Life is worth living and loving and its all about the company you keep. When and if you take the time to love and be loved know you and only you can build your happiness, and make dreams come true. You are an amazing person and I’m proud to say I’m your friend.

  11. I have not experienced divorce…however, I was NOT looking for a relationship when I met my husband. Both of us had been out of 3 year relationships for about 8 months. When I first called him, I had the idea that it doesn’t hurt to have a new friend. After that, we both just “knew.” 🙂

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